Workplace Appreciation Languages
The Universe usually gives you what you need, not what you want.
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After seeing how powerful practicing love languages were to my marriage, I became intrigued with the closeness love languages at work could provide. I have always had this insatiable need for everyone in my presence to feel seen and heard. I’m fully aware it stems from not feeling seen and heard myself.
At first I tried having my staff do the love languages quiz… That very quickly backfired. There was no way I could see that responding with the answer of physical touch to not be taken inappropriately.
I saved the initial results from the love languages quizzes: three quality time and one words of affirmation. Well I’ll be damned.
As someone whose love language is quality time, I naturally came to that result. However, I knew that couldn’t be right in the workplace. My language is only that for my husband and for those who were superior to me. Coaching was an extremely important part of my job to me, so naturally as that coaching decreased, my connection to the job decreased. I realized I didn’t mind spending quality time with my coworkers, but I knew if I was to give it an order of priority Nick would come first, employers second, patients third, and then employees. That meant when I was aware I had incredibly limited time, my employees would come up short. And spending time with them did not make me feel any more connected to them.
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After some research I found the workplace appreciation languages. It’s all the same possibilities as the love languages, but in a workplace appropriate context.
New results: acts of service (mine), two words of affirmation, and one quality time. Interestingly, the two single people in the office were the ones whose love language and workplace appreciation language were the same. That brings the question - “Do those who are getting their needs met through an intimate relationship have the ability to need a different language spoken at work?”
Upon further reading of my results - while acts of service was my WAL (workplace appreciation language), acts of service performed for me fell on deaf ears if they weren’t performed the way I wanted them. Easy to please has never really been an adequate way to describe me…
What those results gave me was:
The realization why I was so easily friends with my staff - because their entire job description was to perform acts of service for me - answering the phone, scheduling, taking payments, fighting insurance companies, making copies, even down to bringing coffee, and so much more.
The realization why it was harder for me to be friends with the doctors in my employ - because they really couldn’t speak that appreciation language as easily. Nor did they do it the way I wanted those acts of service to be performed.
A softening of my expectations. I realized a lot of times I wouldn’t give enough detail, so then if I was frustrated it was my own fault. If I didn’t communicate the specifics clearly, how in the world could I be frustrated those in the office couldn’t read my mind?
The realization I was doing a piss-poor job at speaking their languages, while they were doing a fabulous job of speaking mine. I like to pride myself on servant leadership, so I had to step my game up.
A direction forward.
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I started booking weekly meetings with each, making sure to spend the most time with the one quality time employee. I then wrote letters to each (not just the words of affirmation WAL ones - to not make the other feel left out) discussing why I was grateful for them. I tried to make that more regular. As words of affirmation is one of the hardest ones for me, while it felt forced at first, I was thankfully the only one who felt that way.
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Yet again, everyone deserves to feel appreciated, and in the way that speaks best to THEM.
Resources*:
The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by: Gary Chapman
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