Dreams Can Become Your Reality
I’ve been going back through my most recent journal that I began exactly two years ago. It all started with my second round of burnout and 4 panic attacks within 2 weeks. Apparently that’s what it took to follow God’s guidance to start writing again. What a stubborn child I can be sometimes.
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Here is a passage that I wrote, and rereading it gave me goosebumps:
“I want so badly to be out of student loan debt so I can quit. I think I'd teach part time and work in office part time. Then I could see the patients I want to see only. And I would do a cash-only practice. I can say for sure I will not be expanding... No 2nd practice, no managing. I know that stunts my growth… God, show me what you want from me. I'm miserable in this job and yet I can't leave because of finances. Allow me to see my next steps.”
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Today’s notes:
Holy crap. I prophesied my next steps. God was allowing me to glimpse the other side, but hadn't unlocked the door just yet.
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A lot of people see working part time as laziness. To me, that’s what makes me an excellent care provider/healer. I can check in on the moms who seem to be struggling (as that’s primarily the population I work with because of treating babies). I have time to shoot a quick text or call just to check on them. They’re aware I’m not calling to try and get them in for another visit; I’m calling to offer what assistance/reassurance I can. I care about their mental health because they are the first example in showing their baby attachment (my goal is to make it healthy).
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My doctor who helped get my hypothyroidism under control gave me some of the best advice to date. I went to see him during this timespan when I began journaling because the symptoms of burnout I experienced also paralleled hypothyroidism. He made me aware of that parallel. He also said, “Nowelle, you’ve built a great reputation for yourself. Do you want to tarnish that reputation by giving in to quantity of patients? Or would you rather have quality and continue to be a great doctor?”
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I can see that I’m a generous person now. I offer a percentage of my coaching services for free because I’ve been able to gain control of my lifestyle and figure out how to make less money to give more of my time back.
If someone has positively influenced my life I don’t sit back and think, “I should really reach out to them…” only to never do it. Now, I sit down and write out a letter detailing my gratitude for them. I make sure each person I have around me is fully aware of the impact they’ve had on me and that I don’t take it for granted.
ALL of that is thanks to having more time freedom. I would even dare to say I have more money freedom, because I see it as it is. It is not security. Seeing it as that gives it too much power. It is a tool. And I can either use what I have been given wisely or unwisely.
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I no longer question myself.
Quitting and setting my own schedule is what gave me life back. I was stuck two years ago with no way out. And yet, God had a plan. I just couldn’t see it yet.
