Judgment vs. Discriminating Wisdom
Lately I've been struggling with a lot of self-judgment. I'm working incredibly hard in the pursuit of forgiveness for all wrongs in my past - done to myself, by myself, by others. The problem is if we can't first practice self-compassion and forgiveness towards ourselves, we won't be able to then practice it towards others. I'm fully aware I don't want to be stuck in a pattern of hatred and uncompassionate behavior. But getting to a place where my body and brain can accept I truly want the best for myself and those around me is another story.
…
For years I've struggled with knowing exactly where I want to be, but not knowing how to get to that space.
My former coach told me to get from here to that place where you want to be is confusion.
Yet another win for EMDR and the relentless pursuit of growth/cutting down those things that seemed formerly impossible. It took this hazy projection of the future and made a path.
…
I read something in the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff the other day that allowed me to release the harsh judgments of myself in judging other people which I was worried had become all too easy for me.
She says, "It's useful here to draw a distinction between judgment and discriminating wisdom. Discriminating wisdom recognizes when things are harmful or unjust, but also recognizes the causes and conditions that lead to situations of harm or injustice in the first place."
So when I was worried about the harsh criticisms in my mind when I run past a homeless person on my usual route, I shouldn’t have been so concerned. My inner dialogue has morphed over the years.
"I really hope they aren't one of the more aggressive homeless people who like to curse and heckle me… Wow, that was a quick judgment I just made… Think about what has happened in their past to get them to this point in life. Think of how neglected their basic needs must have been - to not realize having four walls around you is the most rudimentary need to preserve in life. If they weren't taught something like that, what were they taught? Were they abused? Were they born into homelessness?"
Once I could recognize my judgment quickly turned into discriminating wisdom, I also realized I was able to do that in my own life.
"Nowelle, your tone of voice to Nick was way too snippy. You need to apologize. If I was so snippy, what triggered me to respond in that way? Oh. It's because he wasn't listening to you. He was lost in his head…as I often am as well…and so therefore, you're reacting disproportionately. HE is not the person who made you feel unheard in the first place. He does not do it out of spite or out of a disregard for your feelings. He is being absent minded a.k.a. human. If he was aware his not hearing you would trigger you, he would NEVER knowingly do it. He does not mean you harm, only love."
…
After all, “We are the expression of millions of prior circumstances that have all come together to shape us in the present moment.”1
…
I felt such a sense of release. While on one hand I had assumed I was mercilessly judging others, I was actually offering them the benefit of the doubt. That meant I wasn't a horrible person. I was allowing my past experiences of imperfection to guide me into having compassion for others.
That's truly all I can ask of myself - that I allow what I have been through to improve me as a person.
…
Resources*:
Judgment Detox by: Gabby Bernstein
*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
